Jai'Ana's MOMMY!!!

BURNING........A poem I wrote......

2008-04-17T08:41:00.001-07:00

The cigarette lies in the pack.
Fresh, but it had to be lit,
Because I yearn for it.
The light is starting to burn.
Incidents going bad, will you ever learn.
This is addictive.
Five years into the relationship.
Downfalls present the surface.
It's so unfiltered.
My heart is aching from being in so much pain.
Cheating and dishonesty makes me go insane.
Filling my lungs.
A burning sensation is starting to attack my insides.
Stuck withyou, I don't know how to get rid of.
Love addiction.
Hard as concrete and stiff as a board.
Staying strong is within.
This nonsense will not go on any longer.
The smoke is clearing.
The cigarette is done BURNING......
At this point the relationship that once was is no longer and is now ASH......
Gone forever.
My true love; my everything.
Til' the end; soar and fly away, my angel wings.........

SINGLE MOTHERHOOD

2008-04-16T08:53:00.000-07:00

Single motherhood is such a challenge.

Frustration boggles my mind.

Rough complications come about but the road must go on.

Depression and stress is REALITY......

Divided in between parenting and school.

I learned to concentrate on one thing at a time.

Finishing school is a priority that must be done.

I love my daughter with all my heart and taking care of her is something that must come first.

Jai'Ana is my world.......

2008-04-08T13:09:00.001-07:00

My daughter means everything to me..... I do not know what I would do without her. I am glad that she is mines. I know she will always love me no matter what. It's funny because when at a shoe store trying shoes or sneakers on she knows that you to walk to see how they feel. The other day I went to buy her some sandals, she said " I put on shoe mommy, I wanna walk, I walk mommy." I said "yes, walk, let me see how they look." She responds "OK, mommy." I try my best to take care of her to best of my ability and I think i am doing a damn good job (not bragging)......It is very hard being a single mother but when in the situation you have to suck it up and accept the responsibility. She entered the world in 2005 and that is the day that I knew my life would change forever. I knew that it might be a challenge when she first arrived home. Just thinking back when she was about a week or 2 weeks old. I cried to my mom and said " I can't do this, I'm not going to be a good mom, I just can't do this." Once again my mom was there for me and told me " you're going to be a good mom, don't worry I will be here to help you." She has not turned her back on me ever. It is a blessing having a child and being on your own can become a struggle. I have been independent ever since I could start working which was when I was 15. But now I have become more independent. I have also decided to try and take her to many places in the summer so she wouldn't be bored and she could experience some new things.

SPRING BREAK................UHHHHH

2008-03-17T10:30:00.000-07:00

Well....Well.....Well.... Look.....we are back at school already......Isn't everyone excited......LOL!! Uh HUH...No you aren't excited.....Me neither..... We I have some good news..... On Monday March 10, 2008 I was on my way to take my daughter to daycare. I was going across a bridge to get on a highway....Wait lets pause for a moment......what kind of sign has eight sides to it and is known as a OCTAGON?? Can anyone guess......Well it's a STOP sign RIGHT?? Well the lady behind me must of just ignored the sign and ran into the back of me.....Mind you I just got the car at the beginning of February......Totally pissed off.... Me and my daughter were in the car at the time...Neither of us were hurt. One funny thing that I can laugh at is that my daughter didn't even realize that anything happened; she was still munching on her FRUIT LOOPS......I was supposed to go into work that day but I just called off and went in the next day. ANother good thing that came out of it is that the lady had insurance and she didn't try to drive off without exchanging information. We exchanged information and she has the same insurance as I do. Her policy is LIABLE for everything. The damage and the rental. My birthday is next Monday and I will be driving the rental instead of my baby.....TEAR!!! The damage estimated up to $2, 034 and some change........You cannot really see the damge from far away but up close it can be seen. I took it to the Faulkner Body Shop on Thursday and when the guy who helped me came out the door, he said I do not see anything..... We both laughed.....Once he got closer to the car he said awww now I see the damage.......It's amazing how you think to yourself o well its only a crack or dent but that crack or dent cost a lot of money to get fixed......I just want to also remind everyone to always pay attention while on the road, drive the SPEED LIMIT, and to always buckle up. Before I started driving I never used to wear a seat belt but now it's a habit and I am glad........

SO EXCITED.........DISNEY ON ICE!!

2008-02-28T13:39:00.000-08:00

WOW!!! It is so amazing to see what things can come together..........On Wednesday Feb 27 2008, I took my daughter to see Disney on Ice..... I have never seen my daughter so excited. I just sat back in my chair laughing. Every 2 minutes she would tap me and say "Mommie, yook, yook...." The character's were Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Cinderella, Snow White & the 7 Dwarfs, Jasmine & Aladdin, Mulan, Beauty & the Beast, & The Little Mermaid. I liked the show myself. The last time I attended a show was when I was a little kid. It is just so amazing to see children get that excited........The show lasted 2 hours. I sat in my chair listening to kids yell of excitement. After the show was over my daughter held her arms out to the side and said "Mommie, where miskey and minnie". I told her they had to go night night.......LOL.....People who have children should consider taking their children to Disney on Ice next year. The show is only here until March 2. So hurry, you might be able to get tickets.................ENOY!!!

SATISFACTION.......

2008-02-06T09:59:00.000-08:00

Being satisfied is a good thing right?? Just wanted to ask... LOL.. Well, at least for myself I can say that I am satisified with where I am at in life. I have achieved so much since I had my daughter. I moved into my own place, I just got my car ( I OWN IT). I was at the beginning of the game board and I am now in the middle trying to reach the end. Life is full of surprises, positive and negative. I am always appreciative for the things that I do have. I always knew that the things I wanted to do could be done but it was others that thought otherwise. My mind wonders at times. Wondering where would I be without this, this and this. Don't take life for granted... Cherish your life and everyone elses around you.

MOTHERHOOD

2008-02-04T08:26:00.000-08:00

I have a 2 year old daughter name Jai'Ana( Jay-Ana). She is my world. Everyone knows how a baby is conceived... LOL. Well I didn't expect to have any children until I graduated college. But things happen for a reason. By me having a child I did not let that stop me from doing the things that I needed to accomplish. I gave birth to my daughter in November of 2005 . I had her natural (with no medication) . The pain was UNBELIEVEABLE.... She was born at 2:06 a.m, weighed 6 lbs 8.6 oz. Did I mention how bad the pain was??I took off of school for a year. I transferred from Del. State University to Penn State Harrisburg in the fall of 2006. When I first had my daughter I was always saying to myself that I couldn't be a mother at the age of 20. I would hold her and say WOW I am a mother now. I have to say my daughter is very intelligent at her age. She knows how to do alot of things that a three year old doesn't. She is very grown and knows how to pronounce my first name... LOL.... She gets in her little nasty attitudes and starts to act out at times but I have to remind her that I am the mother and the boss and she is the child. I have a circle of friends around me and they always tell me that I am a good mother to my daughter, that I always keep her clean and she is respectful. I appreciate hearing good things like that because then I know that I am doing my job fairly well. My daughter is the total OPPOSITE from me when I was her age. I was so quiet and she is so loud. I am still quiet until this day. I do want more children eventually but not until I am married. It is hard being a single parent and working part time and going to school full time. I do things on my own. I try not to0 ask anyone for help. I am SATISFIED with where I am at in life at this point. I couldn't ask for anything better. Maybe I can bring my daughter in one day for everyone to meet her. I am warning you she is BADDDDD..... She might act shy but don't let the pretty face fool u........